Margaritas and chips

So this is what happens when you don’t drink for months, then bham! Start having margaritas with dinner. You get drunk. Off of 2! Whoa buddy. It’s a bit sad really. I guess it also doesn’t help that I barely ate today in my effort to stop eating constantly. At least I had taco chips and a tostado to eat. Which really didn’t help.

Is it bad that I want to (a) keep drinking…preferably vodka, (b)make out with a cute boy, or (c) just sleep. Too bad I’m at home with the ‘rents and none of the above will happen as it is not even 8pm and no cute boys in sight. That’s it, I’m going out this weekend. I need some innocent flirting and drinks!

No more nice guy (girl)

So I’m a pretty nice person. I am a people pleaser, don’t like to upset people, and usually let things that upset me slide. I avoid confrontation. I don’t really say what I really think and always try to smooth things over.

But that is all stopping.

I’ve been working towards being more assertive and not letting other’s feelings go before mine any longer. Obviously there is a time and place to do that, but in general, enough is enough. I’m not just letting things go anymore and I’m standing up for myself. That includes eliminating the toxic “friends” in my life. I’ve been slowly doing that for awhile now, but it’s more full-fledged now. I’ve eliminated friends on Myspace, Facebook and from my phone. Because once you’re outta my phone, you’re outta my life. I’ve deleted emails, and ignored texts and phone calls. Some may call this harsh, I call it self-preservation. Because I’ve finally realized that its better to have friends of quality rather than friends of quantity. In addition, I’m going to start saying what I really think instead of what is socially correct. After all, I have to live with myself, right?

This was my New Year’s Resolution, and I did implement parts of it, but it’s a little difficult whilst studying for the bar exam. Starting a blog was a great part of this plan, because if I can’t be honest on here and say what I really feel and think, how can I do that in “real life”?

Anyone have any suggestions?

Bored

So another weekend is almost over. And I don’t even have work to look forward to (erhm, dread) because I’m currently unemployed. Blah.

Yesterday we went shopping at Trader Joe’s (lurrrve that place) and out to dinner at Black Bear Diner (yum yum), then watched Dan in Real Life (cute) and Atonement (not as spectacular I was expecting), and also participated in Earth Hour.

Today was church and then a day of laziness. Yawn.

Thank goodness I have plans this week consisting of dinner with friends and a couple of days with my nephew. Oh and searching for jobs.

A Country for a psycho killer but not Old Men

I saw No Country for Old Men last night. Brilliant. Quite violent though. It was freaky how the character played by Javier Bardem soullessly murdered people. But in a sense, it was quite addictive. Which in itself is quite freaky. But anyways, it was a great film in my opinion. Quite a commentary on the greedy, selfish and heartless society we live in. I know that the film was set in 1980, but I think there was a definite turning point around that time that led to the society in which we currently reside.

Next on my list, Atonement and Dan in Real Life.

Party of 1

So I’ve been musing over something lately. Having kids. Now, I’ve never been the super maternal type that couldn’t wait to have kids and was planning for them when I was 18 like some of my friends. But I do like kids. I adore my nephew and loved spending time with the little second cousins in Major City. But that doesn’t mean I want any of my own. The thought of being pregnant repulses me. And the thought of having kids only raises one thought: tired. As in permanent-never time to sleep-no time to shower-no time to think-tired. And that’s been the only thought going through my mind for awhile. If there was a way to rent a kid for a day or even a week and then giving him or her back (sort of like renting an dog or cat) that would be moral and not cause emotional scarring of the child, then I would be all for that. But as of now, having kids is so low on the list of my desires, that having dogs is more appealing.

Now a lot of people feel like this, I know. But the thought that worries me is that I’m Christian. So I believe that one reason for marriage is pro-creation. But the problem is that I want to be married, but I dont’ want to pro-create. I know that there are lots of married couples who don’t have kids and are happy. In fact, my best friend from high school is one example. But she’s a fallen Mormon (her words, not mine), so it’s quite different. I know that I’m not going to go to hell for not having kids, but I can’t shake the feeling that until I decide I want kids, I won’t get married. And as of now, I can’t reconcile myself to want kids just to get married. That would be a terrible injustice to the kids.

Call me crazy, but that’s what’s been going through my head as of late. I should mention that I am not opposed to step-kids or adoption, but definitely am opposed to birthing my own mini-me.

Scattered mind…

So I’m back from my trip to Major City. And it sucks being back. I woke up to snow this morning! After weather in the 70s and 80s all week, this is quite a blow. I was supposed to go to a job interview for a pool of qualified candidates in our state capitol, 2 hours away, this morning, but decided against it when I saw that the area I was going was covered in ice and snow. The job pool is not worth driving and worrying about dying, thank you very much.

Anyways, my trip was fabulous. At times I was ready to catch a flight back, but overall it was lovely. Great weather, great time with the little cousins (6 and 2), and great being in Major City. It feels like home there and I had a hard time leaving. I’m just so unhappy here that I become a bitch when I am here. I hate it. And I hate that I’m stuck until May (when bar results are posted) to make my move happen.

So this post is totally random and scattered, but that’s how I feel right now.

I’ll post more later when my head is less foggy!

In the meantime, go to this website, www.freerice.com, uber-cool!

Gone Breezy Gone

So tomorrow I’m headed to Major City for some fun in the sun with my cousin and to look for jobs. Hence, I won’t be posting for about 10 days people! I’m not taking my computer nor do I want anyone in the fam to find out about my blog. So have yourselves a great week or so and I’ll catch ya when I get back!

Kill me now

So Tuesday started off with slight sore throat, but I ignored it and went to the gym anyways. And was rewarded by seeing the same hot guy that I saw last week. So hot! However, by the time I got home and my endorphins had died down, my sore throat was back with a vengeance. And it just got worse from there. By Wednesday I wanted to die. It seems the flu shot I got earlier this year failed in its purpose. It’s only purpose! Argh. Oh well, at least my body delayed this horrible illness until after the bar was over.

Now its Friday night and my head is the only part of my body that I wish to cut off. The body aches and nausea are gone, but the never ending stuffy nose and headaches are here to stay. Until at least tomorrow I hope…

I had so much planned for this week too! I was supposed to go shopping, look for jobs, get some *work done (girly stuff) and have my nephew for the night and finally go out with friends and drink some booze! Grrrr! Now I’m going to have cram the first three into 2 days. I also wanted to work out a ton, partly to see my hot boy, and partly to prepare for my trip to Major City next week. Yes, I’m going to Major City for 9 days to visit my cousin and look for jobs. I just hope my head doesn’t blow up on the plane…

Who’s that looking back at me?

So I am blonde. Very, very blonde. Quite a shock to the system after seeing only dark hair for the last few years. Not quite sure how I feel about it yet. I tried to take some pictures but I’m not thrilled with how I look in them. And my camera batteries died so I have to wait until tomorrow to take more.

And now that I’m blonde and it’s spring, I need new light eye makeup. Yay! I love, love makeup and shopping for it. Not that I need any more, but that’s never stopped a girl before right?

Not much on board for the week, just a few appointments here and there. And I want to catch Penelope if I can.

Next week I’m heading to Major City to visit my cousin and scout for jobs. Can’t wait!!

Back to blonde

Not much is really going on here. I’m applying to zillions of jobs in Major City and the surrounding area, working out, still sleeping and studying. I have my MPRE test tomorrow. Should be a hoot. 2 hours and 60 questions on ethics. And I have to go get a passport picture to take in along with 2 forms of identification. It’s like the CIA is running this test or something. Although it’s not as bad as the bar exam where I had to be fingerprinted and provide confidential information only I would know. Crazy.

I’m getting my hair highlighted tomorrow. I used to do this all the time and about 3 years ago decided to start dying my hair dark brown. Which I have loved. But now I feel like it’s washing me out and I’m just bored with it. So tomorrow I’m getting my hair highlighted blonde. Should be interesting. I hope it turns out well.

Today at the gym I saw a very hot boy. And then 45 min of cardio later, I saw my ex-boyfriend. Talk about awkward. Haven’t seen him in years…