Decisions Decisions

So I’ve decided if I don’t pass the bar exam in the Golden State, I’m going to stay here in Rainy state and try to find a job as an attorney. I just don’t have the funds or the energy to take the test again. And I feel like if I don’t pass, it will be a sign that I’m not supposed to move. Which is weird because I was and still feel like I am supposed to move. Of course, I may change my mind once I get my results.  Who knows. All I know is that I can’t go on living like this anymore. I need to start my life again. I need a job. I need to move out. I need new friends. I need money most of all. My life has been in limbo for too long and it’s got to stop. Enough is enough.

Also, I’ve decided I’m not going to call Jenner if he doesn’t call me. He could be shy or nervous or what have you, but I’ve decided I’m not going to “chase” him. I don’t want to be that girl. I’ve done it in the past and it’s not a good feeling nor has it worked out well. If he is truly interested, he will have to make it known. I’m 28 and he’s 33. We’re past the age of games. Even if he’s shy, I don’t care. I know it’s harsh, but I’m not putting myself in the position where I call him and we go out, and I’m still not certain he’s interested. Again, been there, done that, and I don’t want to go back. I’m not getting stuck in that rut again.

Lastly, I’m sleeping in tomorrow. That’s my final decision of that night.

Work

So tomorrow is my last day at the temp job. Which is partly good because I’m quite tired of the task, but also partly bad because no more money will be coming in. At least for now. And I won’t see my friends on a daily basis.  Working only with Glasses hasn’t been all bad. She’s not as, um, annoying, as she was when the others are around. Plus it’s nice to have girl talk.

As for Jenner? No word yet. I guess the 3 day rule may be in effect?

Psychic abilities

So my friend T called me last night and raved about this psychic whom she spoke to over the phone. He told her all sorts of things that only she would know.  Stuff about her dead grandma, the bar exam and the boy she’s dating. It was pretty cheap and it lasted for 30 minutes. I’m not usually into mediums or psychics, but this guy intrigues me. I could do with some concrete answers to life’s mysteries.

Interestingly enough, I’m reading a chick-lit book about a woman who pretends to be a psychic.

So maybe that’s a sign….*oohhh

Sunday afternoon thoughts

As I’m sitting here, I’m confused about Jenner. And I’m also very tired and dealing with a weird rash on my arms. But thankfully the house is silent but for the clatter of the keys.

So last night I texted Jenner and told him of our plans. Luckily my friend B stayed in town, so there was four of us that ended up going out. So after I texted him around 8pm, he wrote back and said he’d see us at the bar. We said we’d be there around 10. Around 11, he showed up. During the hour gap, I was pretty nervous and unsure. But B and J calmed me down and fed me vodka drinks. So he showed up and gave me a hug which was nice. He met B and J and we all drank and talked for a while. During this time, he kept touching my arm and smiling. He spoke mostly to me and we talked about work, Glasses (turns out she annoyed the hell out of him :)) and law in general. He did make an interesting remark when he said there were some cute girls at the bar and asked us if we thought any of the guys there were cute. Interesting right? Not sure how to take that. So after while we all went to another bar and we had some more drinks. We sat down at a table and continued to just talk mainly to one another. He continued to touch my arm a lot and we made eye contact the whole time. Which I’m usually not comfortable doing but it was so easy with him. So then the bar closed and we gave him a ride home. He said thanks for inviting him out and that’d he had a great time.

So the good points? Talked to me a lot, bought my friend a drink, touched my arm a lot, said I was bright and would go far in my career, made solid eye contact and was flirty.

The bad points? The remarks about the cute girls, and the fact he didn’t really talk to my friends, and I’m still clear on whether he’s interested.

My friends didn’t think he was attractive, and also were not happy with the remarks about the girls. BUT they both said he is interested and they got the vibe. So maybe I’m just crazy. I don’t know.

I think I should just wait for him to contact me, but my friend A (who’s a boy) told me to wait a week, and if he doesn’t call me, to call him and ask him out. Alone.

I do feel like my interest is slightly dissipating though… or maybe I’m just crazy

The plan

So tomorrow is the day. I’m going to text Jenner around 4pm and let him know the plans for the night and see if he wants to join. Basically, my friend J and I (and maybe another friend and her boyfriend) are going to go out for drinks. I hope, hope, hope he comes. But then there’s the part of me freaking out that he will come. And he won’t like me. Or even worse, he will like me! Scary!!! The one good thing about this never ending butterflies-in-my-stomach-everytime-I-think-of-him? Less of an appetite. Good way to lose weight I tell ya!

Now I just have to plan my outfit…

Best Bathroom in the Country

This is where I, um, did my business today…

http://www.bestrestroom.com/rest_fame_ctower.html

Better days

Ok so I’m at work and since we finished the project, they asked us back, but only 2 of us. And that would be me and Glasses. Joy huh? Jenner is gone :(   But I did run into him this morning and we were walking together, laughing, and if I do say so myself, flirting! When I left to go to lunch, he was still here and I said goodbye to Music Man and to Jenner, I just said “See ya later Jenner” to which he smiled and said, “Yep”. So I guess thats good? I know I’m over-analyzing this thing to death, but I can’t help it. I’m a lawyer, it’s what we do. And I really, really like him. First time in awhile I’ve liked someone this much. So the plan is to call him Saturday with news of what’s going on. Now I just have to figure what that is…

In other news…I’ve reconnected with 2 good guy friends who are both in Rainy City. And I had lunch with a former co-worker today. This city isn’t so bad and now that I’m getting ready to move, I’ve been in contact with these people and more. It’s strange. Plus the whole thing with Jenner. Ugh.

Oh and it’s freezing outside today!! I spoke to my friend J. in NYC and she was at the beach today. Meanwhile I just froze to death outside in the 40 degree weather and high winds. Life is not fair sometimes people!

Pains and Hopes

Monday I wore my new shoes to work. As I walked down the hill to work, I tripped and fell. It was pretty embarrassing and this guy helped me up. Anyways, it is now 2 days later and my foot is still throbbing. It is all bloody and sore and I can barely wear shoes. It sucks. I wanted to go to the gym tonight but the thought of socks makes me wince. I could barely sleep last night with my duvet touching it. So take note, if your new shoes don’t have the best traction, don’t walk down a steep hill the first day you wear them…

Onto Jenner news because I know you’re all breathless with anticipation. Today was a lukewarm day. He showed up late again and before he got there, Glasses and Music Man were ripping on his attitude and why he moved to Rainy City. Just like they did yesterday. Oh and Glasses added me on Facebook and Myspace so before I arrived at work and at lunch, she was showing the boys my pages. Nice huh? I was annoyed. Anyways, so he came in and everything was fine. I wasn’t getting a great vibe before lunch so I was worried. But after I went back and he was there, we were alone in the room and talking about moving to Major City, our birthdays, our weather preferences, family and friends. So I was feeling more confident after that.  After the others returned, things were ok. He still doesn’t talk as much when they are there though. Glasses was in her prime today and I feel like she may like him. I could be totally off here, but I am jealous of anytime he talks to her! Crazy I know. So they talked some and we were all kind of laughing and joking around. She’s very gullible and doesn’t get jokes at all. So a lot of it is us laughing at her. Kinda mean I guess, but can’t be helped. Anyways, I guess I’ll have to see how the rest of the week pans out. Hopefully this job ends soon. And I’m in the midst of making plans Saturday night to invite him to…

Centered…again

So I just got back from the acupuncturist. And I feel so calm and centered. Amazing.

I spoke to my good friend J. who reassured me that I am over-analyzing this whole situation with Chicago. Which is true. I just need to relax and let things happen. I’ve just been out of the game for a while that the first sign of a crush, nerve-racking feelings arise. But she said she’d go out with me this weekend, so that’s good. I just hope things continue to go well this week at work and progress this weekend… we shall see!

Ugh, and on a side note, American Idol needs to go away. Now. Thanks Britain for giving us the idea,

Update

So today I met with a couple of friends and we made a plan for happy hour. Jenner didn’t show up to work til almost 10:15 (we start at 8:30) so I had been pretty nervous he wasn’t coming in. Anyways, I went back after lunch and he was at lunch. So then I got more nervous that I was going to have to ask him in front of Glasses and therefore, have to invite her. But I finally got my chance and asked him. And he turned me down!! He said he had things to do after work, but if we go out this weekend, I should call or text him. Of course I feel slighted but I guess it’s a good sign that he wants to hang out this weekend right? He was super nice and talkative after that and I tried to just act like nothing had happened. But grr!! I can’t read the boy. And based on Dom’s and Perpetual’s comments and two of my guy friends, I really think he’s interested. Plus my gut tells me he is. Maybe he’s just waiting until this project is over and we won’t be working together anymore? Or maybe I’m just delusional….

Off to the acupuncturist!!!