Breezy all at Sea

I’m sad. I leave tomorrow to go back to LA. I know I said I wouldn’t feel like this but in reality, how could I not? It’s not a matter of missing this city or my friends (who suck by the way) but my family. I spent the day yesterday with my nephew and it was great. We saw “Bedtime Stories” which was actually pretty cute. And then we had lunch and went ice-skating. It was horrible saying goodbye to him. I hate it.

I’ve been sorting stuff out all day and getting my things together to pack. I’m ready in a sense to go back to my own life, my independence and privacy, and friends there. I’ll be glad to get away from the elephant in the room (why are you still single?) though.

But I’m going to miss my parents. Even though they drive me nuts half the time. They’re not in the best health and don’t take care of themselves. I harp on them when I live here and they don’t listen, so it doesn’t make sense to move back just for that reason. But I know they need help with stuff around the house and my brother won’t do it. He lives close but not close enough to stop by everyday. That’s a whole ‘nother story. But anyways, the only thing here is my parents, my cat and my nephew. I mean, it will always be home since I grew up here, but I’m over it. The drivers are horrible, the weather is depressing, the boys are lame, my friends are even lamer (cancelling plans at the last minute when I’ve only seen them once), and there’s no job here. But isn’t life supposed to be full of people whom you love and vice versa? But don’t you also need your own life? So complicated. I don’t know what to do. Period.  I don’t have any money to move back here and I couldn’t at this time of year anyways. But I have no purpose really down there at the moment. I don’t know.

All I know is that I’m sad and keeping the tears at bay. Barely.