Trying but kinda failing

November 28, 2009 at 8:14 pm | In Life | Leave a Comment
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I’m trying to stay positive. Content and happy with my life. Trying to focus on the positives. I’m fighting the pessimistic side of my nature that wants to come out and confirm that my life sucks right now.  It’s an uphill battle.

Some days are better than others. The days where I’m busy, where I’m social, when people actually call me back or answer the phone when I call, when people initiate plans with me, etc. Those days are few and far between.

In one month, I will be 30. What do I have to show for it? I’m still unemployed. Single. Living at home. I know self-pity is terrible. From the devil. Doesn’t do any good. Etc, etc. But it’s easier to say that than to fight it. Especially when people around me are doing so well. Getting engaged, getting married, getting promotions, buying houses, going on vacations, etc. I know that often people aren’t as happy as their Facebook pages or their emails or their conversations would have them appear to be, but sometimes it just seems like I’m the only one who’s drowning. The only sad one.

I know that life in LA wasn’t always good or easy or fun. I know that. I appreciate the time here with my parents. But I don’t know how much longer I can bear it. I really don’t. When does this hard part of my life end? When do I catch a break?

Damn weather isn’t helping either. Nor is the holidays. Nor the sappy, romantic Christmas movies playing at all hours guaranteeing happy endings for all. I am hoping for a miracle. I really am. Because I don’t know what else to do at this point.

Happy gobble gobble day

November 26, 2009 at 8:25 pm | In Life | Leave a Comment

I am stuffed. Our dinner was amazing and I’m sooo stuffed and feel kinda sick. I’m glad I worked out yesterday even though I’m so sore! And my pumpkin pie actually turned out to be pretty decent.

So I’m thankful for my health, my parents, the opportunity to be home for the holidays, my cat, my friends near and far, this blog, and the freedom that this country represents.

Oh and on a side note, my sister in law went to her ex-boyfriend’s house for dinner. Nice huh? He’s the biological douchebag father of my nephew. But still. Who does that? She didn’t even call today. We took dinner to my brother who is at work.

Alright, off to watch movies!

Totally un-domestic goddess here

November 25, 2009 at 6:32 pm | In Random | 2 Comments

Yeah, this is why I don’t bake. I just attempted to make a crustless pumpkin pie for tomorrow. It’s supposed to be healthier and I don’t like crust anyways. So I bought all the ingredients and started to make it. Whenever I start off baking or cooking, I have this sense of hope that THIS will be amazing. This is when it will click that I love to cook/bake. Yeah, not so much. See, my mom has these little measuring spoons. Some are marked T and some are marked TSP. When I put the salt in, I put 1 T instead of 1 TsP. I realized my mistake after it was already stirred in. And then I put 3 T of pumpkin pie spice in instead of you guessed it, 3 TSP. Or maybe it was the other way around. I don’t know. Those damn T and TSP are confusing. Why can’t they just write on the little cup/spoon, Teaspoon or Tablespoon. Ugh! And so I’m baking it. I tasted the batter and it’s a little salty. So I may be running to the store later to buy more ingredients.  Good thing my mom is cooking tomorrow because I’m totally un-domestic and I don’t really see that changing. Its too damn confusing and takes wayyyyyyyy too long to make something.

Over the O effect

November 23, 2009 at 11:12 am | In Random | 1 Comment

Last week Oprah announced she’s quitting her show in a little less than 2 years. Anyone who reads the internet or watches the news knew this announcement was coming. So why is it all over the news still? And more than that, who the eff cares?? This is a woman who has wayyyyyy too much influence in my opinion. It’s scary. Women blindly follow her advice, whether it be what shoes to buy or what presidential candidate to vote for (and we all know how that turned out). I’m just sick of her. She acts like she’s regular folk, but regular folk don’t have fried chicken flown in on a private jet when they have a craving or own several houses all over the world. So give me a break. I’m glad she’s going off the air. And it’s not like she will be gone. She’s taking over some network to have another show. Awesome.

 

Not cool Tyra

November 18, 2009 at 10:40 pm | In Life | 3 Comments

Tyra again proved to me tonight that she plays favorites. Laura should’ve won ANTM and instead that snotty bitchy girl won. Ugh.

In other news around here, I bought my plane tickets for LA! I will be there for 4 days. I’m trying to figure out a place to throw my birthday bash for the Saturday night that is free. One place told me they want, and I’m not joking, $85,000. I was like, WTF??? How on earth can they charge that? Others want $600 and up for bottle service. Obviously not gonna happen on my budget. So I’m trying to find a free place. Kinda hard especially since I’m stuck here, but I’ll figure it out. I just hope it’s sunny and not raining while I’m there.

Oh and 3 days til I see New Moon!!! Woo hoo…

Random stuff

November 16, 2009 at 2:47 pm | In Life | 2 Comments

So this weekend I made plans both nights and went out both nights. Friday was re-connecting with my friend E. It was good to see her, drink some vodka, admire cute boys, and just laugh. Saturday was meeting up with a new friend A. We had some serious conversations about life, God, how we hate the weather in this city, etc. We made some new friends with some Englishmen. That was fun. They were great guys who I could discuss things with such as London, pub food, football, and Devon. I definitely have an itch to go to the UK and I need to figure out how to make it happen.

Not much planned this week. Church tomorrow. Jr League meeting Thursday. Nephew and museum Saturday. Meeting up with R from LA Saturday night. New Moon on Sunday. Well, I guess it’s a few things. And the gym thrown in here or there.

And finally, I dyed my hair warm champagne brown. I thought it would be a lot lighter than it is, but I guess it really grabbed my hair, for now it is dark brown with a reddish tint. Luckily, it will fade.

Trying to whine less, but I don’t know if it’s gonna work.

November 16, 2009 at 2:42 pm | In Life | Leave a Comment

So some nights I lie in bed thinking of random things I can blog about. Sometimes they’re so clever and witty I wish I could write them down. But I don’t, and I always forget the next day.

I’m trying to be more positive on here and in life as people don’t like to read about whiners or hear about it all the time. I’m going to have to be more selective as to what I update my status on facebook from now on because there’s certain people on there that I don’t want thinking I’m a negative person. So that means a bit more whining on here. Not that I have that much new to whine about, but you all know my story. Nothing has changed and as 30 rapidly approaches, I’m having to deal with my great fear of living at home, single and broke. All I can do is hope in God, hope in myself and hope that my 30s bring a much better time of life.

Another week

November 12, 2009 at 11:25 pm | In Life | 2 Comments

Is gone! I can’t believe how fast time is going. Two weeks is Thanksgiving. Then Christmas 4 weeks after that? WTF?

So things are a bit better. I went out for happy hour Monday night with high school people. Kinda strange. Tuesday was church and that was good. Good sermon. Last night I had dinner/happy hour with my friend B. She’s the weird, jealous, kinda toxic person that I’ve been friends with since 1st grade. She used to be a good friend but man, times have changed. I don’t know what her deal is. We don’t have much in common and I think we just stay friends because of the history we have. Not someone that I will go out of my way to see, but eh.

Anyways, my dad went to the lung specialist today and he has a spot on his lungs. The doctor didn’t seem too concerned as it’s small. But he’s going to get a PET scan which may give a better indication if it’s cancerous or not. Pretty scary. So he’s freaked out and the way he shows that is by being angry and kinda mean. Understandable. But until we know what it is and what they can do, I don’t want to get too freaked out. Just gonna keep praying.

And, next week is New Moon time!! yay!

FUMING

November 9, 2009 at 4:44 pm | In Life | 2 Comments

I haven’t blogged in a couple days because there’s not much to say. My brother and sister in law are the biggest jerks in the world. I’m so sick of them. My sister in law called and yelled at my mom because we weren’t worried about her flea bite while my dad was in the HOSPITAL! Hello! Can you say self-centered? Also, she didn’t send a card or call because she didn’t think he would like that. Okay, because no one likes a get well card or call. Whatever. Then she started crying and saying that it reminded her of when her dad died. Um, my dad isn’t dying. She’s ignorant and stupid and I’m sick of her. I don’t even want to see my nephew which I know is terrible and I shouldn’t take it out on him, but I just can’t stand to see her.

Also, my dad is really pissing me off. Today he told me it’s okay if my brother goes hunting tomorrow (wtf?) because he has a life and a family. Get that? He has a life. Apparently I don’t. I just stay at home 7 days a week, cancel my plans during the day to take him to the doctor, haven’t been to the gym in weeks, fix him food, help him get out of chairs, etc. But that’s nothing. Because I’m obviously just supposed to stay at home and do this because I’m not married and not working. Nevermind I gave up TWO temp jobs to stay home with him and I desperately need the money to pay the bills and student loans who keep harassing me. I guess because I’m not married to a bitch, that doesn’t count. You’d think he was some old Eastern European man or Greek dad or Jewish mom (not trying to bag on those people at ALL but they’re always portrayed for hasseling their kids for not being married), but no, he’s never said anything to me (except in Canada with my uncle) about not being married. Pardon me.

Ugh, I’m just so pissed.

Yesterday I went to a Jr League event that was supposed to take 3 hours. It took 40 minutes. I was going to go to church with my friend at 5, but since it was only 10 to 1pm, I didn’t want to kill time in Seattle for 4 hours. So I texted all the “friends” I have to see if anyone was free. I know was Sunday and I didn’t really expect anyone to be free. What I didn’t expect is no answers. I got a couple TWO hours later saying that they were busy. Whatever. I thought maybe my texting wasn’t working, so I texted my cousin A, but she responded right away. I’m just sick of not having normal friends here. That wouldn’t have happened in LA.

Not only that, it’s freezing, raining and dark at 4:30. I hate it here.

End vent*

Missing LA

November 4, 2009 at 12:32 pm | In Life | Leave a Comment

I miss LA. The cold weather is setting in and it’s dark at 4:30. I miss my friends. I miss my own apartment. I miss the vibrant city that was at my fingertips. I miss all the activities, the beach, my church. I just miss LA.

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